Why my kids have choices...

Many years ago, Dave and I were married, but I don't remember if we had shayde yet or not.  We were watching a news program and a segment came on about teenage girls who had been directed and forced to do horrible and disgusting things to men who were in positions of authority over them. While this alone was awful and heartbreaking, I will never forget the reason the girls said they had complied…. every girl interviewed said something to the affect of,  “I was told by my boss to do something, and I didn’t feel like I could say no.”

This is TERRIFYING!!!! These were girls old enough to have jobs, to drive, to be independent from their parents and yet they didn't feel like they could say NO to someone in authority.  At that moment I made a promise to myself and my future children that they would grow up knowing their thoughts and feelings matter. They can be smart and independent and able to make choices according to what they know is right no matter who is asking.  I wanted them to know it is ok to say NO!

Does this mean that my kids run their own lives and get to do whatever they want?  NO!  It means they are given choices, and they are taught that every choice has a consequence.  Do they get to choose the consequences?  NO!  They get decide if they want to make good choices or bad..  but we try to make it very clear that whatever they choose, they have to deal with the consequences, good or bad.  

I have a five year old daughter, and she is one of the smartest and most independent children I have ever met.  Ever.  It is a constant struggle, but she chooses every single day how she will act, and she tells me… “Mom, today I'm going to listen and help you with everything you have to do.”  Or like last night, “I don't want to have any fun!”  Sometimes it changes from moment to moment, and it’s frustrating and hard and amazing and beautiful that she already knows who she is.  I am so proud of her.  

Am I a perfect mom? Nope.  Are my kids perfect?  Nope.  Do they always make good choices?  Seems like hardly ever lately….  Am I ok with that?  Yes.  We are all learning, no matter our age, how to make good choices.  That is the very purpose of our time on this earth.  To learn and grow and make choices… and mistakes…